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琴月阳的黑暗王座just get! December 05 关于卖身契我于公元2006年11月23日，我满23岁的后一天，在就业协议上签字，签到了203所。。
前面这一句话中这么多23这个数字组合，不能不说是一个很神奇的巧合，22日那天，我宿舍哥们就说我将在23日这天卖掉。
果然。
我对西安这个城市没有什么映像，也说不上主观上的喜欢或者反感，不过由于一关系要好的摇友来自西安，对西安有了一点奇怪的好感。不过一切都需要时间的检验，估计和成都还是没有比的。
有了解西安情况的朋友，欢迎联络。特别是小丽同学，你在西安待了4年，可能有很多想法，看见此文，速与我联系。看你一天也挺忙的。。嘿嘿。。。 November 21 还有一个半小时我就23了。 还有一个半小时了我就23了，黄土都埋到我膝盖了，难怪现在有点跑不动了。如果黄土埋到我腰部，我不就。。。了。。
郁闷了。随便说几句。如果明天有好消息，肯定要写写来。唉。。
各位同学等等。 September 04 Dissection's soul Jon Nödtveidt kill himself.As rumours have started to spread we feel obliged to confirm Jon Nödtveidt's death.
Jon Nödtveidt was a man who lived his life according to his convictions and True Will. A couple of days ago he chose to end his life by his own hands. As a true Satanist he led his life in the way he wanted and ended it when he felt that he had fulfilled his self-created destiny. Not everyone will have understanding or acceptance for his personal path in this life and beyond, but all must respect his choice. Those of us who have met him in his last days can assure that he was more focussed, happier and stronger than ever. It is our full conviction that he left this world of lies with a scornful laughter, knowing that he had fulfilled everything that he had set up for himself to accomplish. The empty space that he leaves behind will be filled with the dark essence that he manifested through his life and black-magical work. His legacy and Luciferian Fire will live on through those few who truly knew him and appreciated his work for what it really was and still is. As our brother's goal in life and death never was to "Rest in Peace", we will instead wish him victories in all battles to come, until the Acosmic Destiny has been fulfilled. For the glory of the Dark Gods and the Wrathful Chaos! from www.dissection.nu
My own view will login on in few days...Too busy to express. July 29 Last night to say somethingTomorrow, it's the time to go back home..My ticket is in 7:50PM, last night in nanjing this semester.. So, i wanna summarize my second semester of my master degree study career..
This semester is a nightmare....I wasted lots of time in something...In the beginning,i thought it will worth..By now,i know i haven't got the key to that HOLE...Someone is not to be changed by another one easierly.If it's easy,need no more prison...I met a girl who changed part of my view through life,fate and family... Some people's life is living to be a tragedy..When you are young,you know nothing,and you can't change anything;when you get to know what hell is there, it's too late to solve the problem.The best time was gone. You have no choise to your fate. God threw this girl to the world,tell her:"You are daughter of Satan, Go away,i forsake you.."God know,that girl just broke his glass ..God never forgive her, i don't know why God forsake her.. I met the girl. She tried to dress herself like Sid 's teacher.That's Satan's uniform..I listen to Black metal,but i don't understand what Satan want to say throught the riffs..But i know all she want is just a embrace of the God...The God is passing by without any notic,Satan following,give her a gift : Evil heart ,angel appearance.. She is on the way to hell..I got acquaintance with each other through a black metal gig. Maybe she think i am Satan's follower..We talked with each other accompanied by alcohol and cigarette,She show me her God smart braim,Satan Evil heart and angel appearance.I have a illusion that maybe i can help her out of cage. She is a punk .But i think she is far more than punk,even black metal follower.She have her own Bible..Not Holy Bible.She is her own God.Forget Satan, he just wake her up and tell her how to enpower herself..I do something want to help her..but it went to waste..But i know, She will never hurt me, I tried to help her,she knew it and appreciated it. I know She treats me as a good friend. Finally,no matter what's aftermath, it's not your fault...It's God's fault to forsake you ,then Satan's fault to light up you. I don't know the exact meaning of the sentence"too fast to live,to young to die",the phrase "too ...to" puzzled me..I knew that's your motto.
I have to rectify my world "worthy" and "waste".It's not about waste time and worth to do ...
I just felt frustrated when i can't do anything to help her. Forgive me!
So, next semester i have a lot of thing to do.First ,finish my study,pay more attention to my business.I depend on it for my existence or living...
God forgive me for telling the story to all of my friend.if they read here,they will know they can trust GCD more than you...
July 27 All about a girlToday i watched a movie performed by Tian yuan.... It's about lesbian..but my feeling about her have nothing to do with lesbian...I love the way she smile,the way she speak,the way she sing..She will attract both man and woman just by her aroma and sensitivity ...When the movie is over,the song "a wishful way" come up, i engaged in a strange scean. With the music, heart is beating with the rhythm,feeling good,especially when it's middle night and all alone in dormitory,dream in wishful way.. Have listened to her voice,you want to understand her own mental world,but we will feel frustrated right away.It seems so near, after a glimpse,everything seems so far away..Fascinating .....
Let me talk something about the lesbian movie "Butterfly"..It's a beautiful movie..Lesbian ,i know little about it. But i know everyone have the right to choose whether to love woman or man just like the right to choose whether live or die...(Something about euthanasia)..Tian yuan in the movie is a perfect lover, patient,clever,beautiful,versatile(Just because she can play guitar and sing my favourite song ..LOL),and understanding . Though the lesbian is accepted by the main world,but the pressure in the shoulder is quit heavy.. If you choose escape,more pain ,more sorow,more hurt,more anguish,more agony you will suffer..Face your true inside,be yourself with great courage...Good luck ,lesbian and gay!!!!
A friend of my friend is a gay,i never meet him ,but i know he is a good guy, sentimental and warm heart...All he need is understanding and containing..i will never treat the homosexual people as abnormality,they are as normal as us.Only difference is they choose another way to paradise...So ,Good Luck an Have Fun!!
Tian yuan ,i appreciate your voice,songs and movie for accompanying through three neverdark night. Always wish you were here.......
PS.. Maybe i should buy a book written by Tian yuan, So i can understand you more..notwithstanding,i know no one in the world can understand you if you keep be yourself..
Don't be corrupted by commerce,you know what Kurt had done to himself.....Your music need not to be known by everyone in the world..Be yourself please..
Good LUck and Have fun
Last:
I always have something to say and write. only when i am all alone ,will i sit in front of the computer to write down my words. It's middle night, my soul comes out to breathe fresh air for a while..I use English in order to express myself more convenient,because my chinese is poorer than English....LOL.
F U C K ing network connection.... It ruin the atmosphere....So. July 25 Gloomy Monday!Today is Monday! No it's Tuesday now. I misunderstood the line division for a long time ..All Alone in Dormitory,looking at the scene,i try to think..I try to listen to the sound of my blood flooding in my vein.Void again...Hollow ! By my ears is the sound of my passion ,time , youth passing through me out of the window,just like you cut your vena,the blood comes out just like the brook! Anguish,pain ,agony,fear,sorrow,pain.....You have to taste in your life...Undeniable,uncontrollable, inexpressible,unavoidable! Wake up and taste the carcass !!It's cool and rainy in Nanjing.I can keep focus on the Gloomy life,no be interfered by the hot summer. It seems make no sense..Gloomy day with no joy...I have been this state for three months..I know i have lots of thing to do,which i have to to ,in order to feed myself in future. But i don't have the passion and power to finish my own work...Nothing else but Gloomy...Metal is my favourite,but power in it can't wake me up.So i let myself drowning in the music of "Hopscotch".. You never get tired,you never get tired,but you will get frustrated.you can't hold on. If i can control myself like machine,I must be a machine. "I have be dreaming all these day,All i dream is a wonderful play,where i can build myself a world, DREAM IN A WISHFUL WAY.All i need is a sharp knife..."!(not to suicide,just to cut your hair,just like Shinead O'Connor..Cool and bright...)
This kind of feeling is amazing and funny.You know you are wrong,but you don't want to change your mind.Why? Why not change you life by yourself... I realize a sentence "Life is short,Play more!" As i growing, the way to make myself happy is hard to find..No only me,every one ,every one if you are not a jerk ,freak or Saint...No saint in the world, that make me think of Zidane.
A wishful way to paradise,No one have the sight of the future..We are all fraigle inside."The world is like that used to be,no one can change".........
After these word,i feel better and sadder. "Sad but true.." Don't bother me,don't try to make me think you know what i am talking about...If you know,you are jerk,freak or saint.. Don't try to comment and guess, Make no sense at all to me ,to you ,to everything... "She is trying She is collecting ,all the diamonds in the street,she is aching ,she is waiting" i hope you can "shine on your crazy diamonds"....
The world is crazy,how can we not to become to be crazy.....
Good luck&Have Fun!!!!
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